061123 In the Details

 

The crossroads are still tonight…

Only a cicada’s evening call accompanies me

As I trudge down along the moon lit gravel path

That glows dividing the darkness

A silhouetted world that I once saw

In full color, now dim, featureless, shadow

 

I don’t want to be here

I never wanted to be here

Walking with heavy steps

To trade all that I have

For that which I cannot

 

He is waiting for me

An old vintage Cadillac his current steed

Behind the old run down billboard

For a countryside taxidermy joint

Long since dead like the very creatures

That went in hollow and came out

A mere reproduction of their former glory

 

It’s fitting actually, this location

I too come in search of refilling

Of joy, of love, of needing to feel wanted

Not just needed by the very consequences

I brought forth into this world.

The decay of which leaves me an automaton

Who can no longer break the mold

A loss of self, of creation, of expression

 

Even amongst all I feel alone again.

Expected to do my part and not deviate

To carry the load with a broken body

Leaving a spirit that needs refueling.

To find a reason to smile if only fleeting

I know the price will be heavy

I know the results will only last so long

Before the man takes his due.

 

The light of his cigar illuminates his glasses

Aviators, shades at night, like piercing orbs

Of bright burning amber that see all

He knows why I have come

He doesn’t care why I have come

The price is all he desires.

24 years of my hopes and wishes

For an eternity at his side.

 

I’ve never been a religious man

So why start now? I ask myself

As I shake his hand and feel the burn

The reminder of what I look forward to.

With a turn of the key his engine fires up

With the fierceness of 60 war horses

His hand moves to the gear stick

“Are they worth it?” His only query

 

“Every second of every day” All I can say

With a smirk he strolls off into the fog

Leaving me with nothing but the stars above

What’s done is done, I will never know

Those stars that now fade into the city lights

Until none remain as I stand on the road

Her door just mere steps away

 

A light, a screech of burning rubber

I feel the impact through my bones

As I tumble through the air

The distinct taillights of a 56’ caddy

The last visage before I land

This can’t be how I die

I was promised more.

 

Impact.

 

Darkness…

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Beep

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Beep

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Beep

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Light overhead beams through my eyelids

A tube down my throat both welcoming

And terrifying.

In my legs tingling from a tail to toe.

My toes feel the heat of hellfire

But… in my hand, another

Soft, gripping firm       

 

“Please don’t die on me. Not today”

A voice… her voice

Like a shattered image retaking form

It all reshapes in my mind

When she found my mangled form

The worry in her eye when she knew it was me.

 

Was it worth it? The mans query rings

For right now, it is

I pray the devil does not work

In such cruel ways

But I know in the bowels of my heart

He does